Waaah. Waaaah.

So sad Alix left. You know when you make that first trip to Dairy Queen months (or days, depending on your willpower) after 'dieting' and you just say fuck all and order a medium cookie dough blizzard make with chocolate soft-serve and a diet coke? (you have to justify the ice cream, duh.)

There's that first bite and your mouth just doesn't know what to do with itself. Alix is that sensation of delayed satisfaction ... that favorite thing you don't even know how much you miss it until you have it again. And then you woof it down and it's gone and you know it's going to be another six months before you can justify it again? That's Alix. She's a blizzard. Apparently, a 'magical' blizzard.

On a completely seperate urban note, I have a cougar crush on Chris Brown (who didn't know that one) and I actually like Flo Rida's music. Gross.

Besitos de Besckstasy.

XOXOXOOXOXO

A really stellar compliment

I was called a "magical person" last night. What an awesome compliment. Heading back to Portland today. Not exactly as pumped on it as I thought I would be.

Layla's Journey: Accounting for my whereabouts because I'm a burnout

Ok, this is a selfish posting that's really more like what I'd jot into a journal, but don't have one. I just want to be able to remember how I spent all my time, and it just gets blurrier and blurrier, and super fun times get overshadowed or over shadow regular fun times. Run on sentence. No apologies, since no one is probs reading it anyway.

Sunday 14th: Becky's then Bayside
Monday 15th: Struggles' p.m.
Tuesday 16th: Mike DiMotta's slumber party. Beers and Little Shop of Horrors. Forest Hills looks like the inside of a snow globe. Beeyooteefull.
Wednesday 17th: Cards with assorted D-Gen. Scobee goodness with Eric.
Thursday 18th: Went into the city with parents. Shopped with mom, met with dad, visited the tree. Such a nice tree. Make it nice around the tree make it nice. Downtown to eat tasty Middle Eastern food. Then to 394. Rad fucking time. Probably the first time I was totally relaxed and all over enjoying myself. Funny commie pictures taken. Late night trip to Don Dons.
Friday 19th: Vegged out and slept all day since it was blizzarding. Necessary, to make it to UES and mini-McGill reunion. Great to see the 3711 St. Dominique crew. Good good whiskey filled times for the second night in a row. Taxi ride back to the Hobes, passed out past 4 again, and slept soundly.
Saturday 20th: Snuggled with kitties, my how they've grown. Trip to Brownstone with Janus and Beckstasy, hatched seemingly innocent plan to go to Secaucus. Dealt with pre-Xmas lunacy, attempted and failed quick getaway. Sad times for Jane's car. Quick quick quick getting ready and whisked away by the amazing Tiffanie. Visited her stellar man and sweet as pie pigdog. Then back to 394 for impromptu gathering, as freezing weather and a wise former roommate convinced us all that traveling to Manhattan was foolish. Good times had though some strange hostility permiated the scene. Visited Don Dons again, and again passed out. Rinse, lather, repeat.
Sunday 21st: Brunch with Dara at Freemans. Man I've been pissing through money, almost like I have it. Bounced around LES for a little bit and picked up some necessary NY cheapie items. Travelled back to Bayside, snatched parents car, off to see the Fagans and their newish daughter. What an awesome little kid. Too precious, too much fun. Sure to be trouble. Back to the city to see Struggles and bonus Damon. Fun times viewing Twins. Man that movie is appauling, yet totally addictive.
Monday 22nd Woke up sore, sleeping on couches sucks. Back to Bayside. Kelly Kapowski says hi. Picked up Jomo, Monday noon and Jamaica Queens funking. (Sorry it's in my contract as a douche from LI). Off to Great Neck to see Anna and Steph. Very fun. Back to Bayside, chowed with the rents. Whisked away by a kindly and wonderful young gent for the quintessential Long Island pre-Xmas date. Through careful and keen cooperation, we navigated Roosevelt Field successfully and made it out alive. Very very super nice and awesome fun evening. Really. Super awesome.
Tuesday 23rd Headed to Rahway to see my main bitch Beckstasy. Then we tackled the Jersey Gardens. Dined at Chili's, as per duh. I wish I could miniaturize Becky and carry her in my pocket at all times, because she really does make everything better. Yay.

Wow I'm all caught up. Not much time left here and I'm a lot sadder about it ending than I would have expected at all. Well, there are no guarantees my flight will even get me back on Friday. We shall see. Not really sure which way I'd prefer it.

I don't think I can handle boys

Yeah. I don't think I can. I'm either terribly cynical, or I get overly excited. Well, truth be told, I don't usually get overly excited. But when I do get excited, uccch it doesn't lat because then I can't stop thinking about it. Despite all my great attempts at NOT letting my imagination run wild, I've realized I can't really ever turn it off. I'm blaming it on being an only child. More reason to resent my mother.

I wish I could just give up and buy one of these and call it a day.



No I don't really want to give up. But I want to believe that magic can sometimes happen, and that I'm not imagining it.

Bah.

I'm a tool.

So, I didn't invite this boy home with me last night that I totally should have. Well, maybe it was a sort of good idea I didn't. I dunno. I mean, I didn't, because I thought it made me seem coy, and that I didn't come that easy, and that it was sort of punishment to him for previously acting aloof and like a general freak. But in the end, who's really being punished? I ended up going home just as alone as he did, and waking up the same way. So that's my punishment for playing games, which I really try to avoid. Games are stupid and not my bag. Don't know why I would decide to play them during a bourbon fueled evening, or really at all for that matter.

Uccchhhh. So now how do I make up for it? I mean, I don't think I necessarily OWE him an explanation, but I sort of feel maybe one is in order. Or maybe that's just my lonely lady parts talking.

I left my bad habits at the border

I did. I had several bad habits that I've been battling on and off for years, so I decided to leave them behind. I was hoping to not bring them to Portland when I moved out here, but I was also hoping to not have been lugging some of them around for as long as I had been.

Things that I left behind at the border

-Another phone charger.
I'm 2 for 2. The charger was to a phone that is virtually dead anyway. So I guess the bad habit I'm leaving is treating my phones like crap. When I get a "new" one, I'll treat it like gold.

-Coffee.
I have on-again-off-again romances with coffee every few months. I'd been really bad lately, blowing my money on venti non-fat lattes and feeling like crap afterwards. So no mo.' Back on the tea wagon, and I feel better already.

-Cigarettes.
As most of you who know me know, 2007 totally blew. For a varietal of reasons. It was also the year I started regularly smoking again, after over 3 years of not having even a drag. And I really picked it up with a vengeance. If I have a pack of cigarettes, I'll smoke a pack of cigarettes. I'm not drawing any lines in the sand though, if I'm wasted and I bum a drag, don't give me shit. But as it stands, I haven't had even a whiff of butt smoke since Sunday night. SO yeah. That's something eh? Plus I'd made a commitment to myself that if I got drafted to A o A I'd quit them. So there it is.

-Nail Biting.
Just like my coffee habit, I go through phases with biting my nails. I'll go 5 months with perfectly maintained, high-gloss, long nails perfect for scratching that itch, and the envy of many. Right now, they're little nubs that look like they did in High School. No bueno. I've got other things to be self-conscious about...and I'd rather not be self-conscious about anything if I can help it. James treated me to a mani-pedi while I was up there, so I'm gonna stick with it. Well, I'll do it myself. I'm broke as a joke.

-Predictable Heartache.
A certain Canadian man that's never made me feel very good about myself, that I've put too much stock in, and that doesn't really care to be the object of my affections. Rather than waste anymore time, energy, self-depricating thoughts, or blows to my self-esteem, I've really decided to move on. Like, for serious. Because where as before, I had been leading MYSELF along a path of "well, maybe we could make it work," and had experienced the same sentiment from friends who dubbed themselves hopeless romantics, where the hell has it gotten me? Another day older and deeper in heartbreak. So Saint Peter don't you call me, cause I can't go. I owe my soul to...well to someone that's deserving of it. Whereas I used to think I would be rewarded in the end, I've just been feeling pathetic. It's too pathetic to pine over, it's too pathetic to talk about (anymore than I've already done) and it's too pathetic to cry over. And I've worked too hard over the past year in the decisions I've made to let myself be so stagnant, let alone blatantly pathetic.

Onward and upward.

Breaking up is (not so) hard to do

Dear East Coast,

First of all, I want to say that you've been mostly great to me over the past 28 years. I don't think had I had the opportunity I would have done many things differently. For the most part, you've been nurturing. And though I'm sure this isn't coming as much of a surprise, given my departure in March, I'm afraid that this break wasn't temporary.

East Coast, I'm leaving you for something better.

I'd like to say "it's not you, it's me," but I can't take all responsibility for our inevitable parting. I think the blame really lies on both of us. Rather than mull over all your flaws and idiosyncrasies, I would rather be positive about this separation. You weren't happy with me, and I wasn't happy with you, so in the end, why designate blame? Better for us to just move on in the right direction, separately.

I'm just happier with the West Coast. Yes, she's better looking. I'm sorry, that was a really low blow, but that's not all it's about. I'm really not THAT superficial. Ok, maybe I am. Seriously, all the people* here on a whole are just more attractive, happier, more welcoming, and more fun. Maybe I'm still coasting (no pun intended) from romping in the woods all weekend in the sunshine, but I really don't think that's it alone. You're allowed to be bitter for the time being, but don't hold on to it for long---your bitterness was one of the things that drove me away.

So I bid you farewell. Good luck in all your future endeavors, and I'm sure at some point we can get together for a little visit to reflect and reminisce about good times spent. Until then, take care.

Warm and sunny regards,
Layla

*The only thing I DO miss about the East Coast are my friends. But all you betches know that right? Come visit me, see what the fuss is about.