"Rejection is the greatest aphrodisiac"

Per Madonna, anyway. And I agree ... we always want what we can't have, right? This may be a bit mopey, so get ready.

I had to reject a dude (pronounced DOOOOOOOOOD) tonight and it doesn't feel good. It's actually pretty shitty. We went on a "date" and I had a genuinely good time with him but it just isn't romantic. And I could probably fake the funk or convince myself to just go with it because he's got a ton of great qualities and he's not mean to me, but it's the year of MIH and that's just not acceptable. There's is no settling anymore -- not fair to him and not fair to me.

And so I'm trying to explain myself to him and being so honest and genuine (if you think there's any other way, you're wrong ... the truth, no matter how much it hurts to hear or say is always fucking better than lame-sugarcoating ... and that's coming from a girl who's had her fair share of an assortment of rejections) and saying the most cliche things: "You're a great guy," "I really want to be friends," etc. And every one of them is true but I still end up sounding like a dick. And I don't know what he thinks ... I can't read him yet.

And there it is. Perpetually single Beckstasy passes a decent one up. Makes you wonder where the actual discrepancy lies.

Whatever. Someone go get laid for me. Oh, that'd be you Layla.

*** Beckstasy ***

Ex-wives is CRAZY

For serious. Like a fucking tornado of crazy. You'd think for me to be having ex-wife drama I'd at least be boning an ex-husband. So not even the case.

I understand why men think women are fucking crazy. Seriously. I'm just so blown away. I don't even know what else to say, aside from bitch is crazy.

I don't think I said crazy enough.

BATTY. CRAZY.

Status Cars and other musings

OK, I was KNEW GM was gonna come out during Idol (pretty much the only minutes of the show I watched). I would have wanted him to do something a little more jazzy though. I would have LOVED had he done "Freedom '90," but secretly I really wanted Gayken to come out and duet on "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me." I'll never forget when Gayken did it during his tenure on Idol. It totally gave me the chills. Wow, is my stock plummeting or what?

I miss pedicures. I miss my feet not looking a hot mess. I mean, they're absurd enough as it is, with all my toes being pretty much the same length. They look like bears' paws. For serious.

So I got to thinking about status/sports cars a few days ago. I mean clearly, that stuff just ain't my bag. But what really got me thinking was about how much of a commitment owning one of those cars must be. Not in terms of maintaining the car itself, but about maintaining your image. I don't know one new model from the next, but those who keep up with this sort of thing sure as shit do. I mean, you have to have the newest, fastest, shiniest, most banging model right?

Like, I'll see an old corvette (not vintage old, just like 80s old) and think about the schlub driving it. He probably got so much pussy back in the day, when he had all his hair, an eight-ball to spare, his brand new shiney red corvette, and new all the words to "Wall Street" by heart. Greed was good. But really, who can be bothered?

Random thoughts for 12:40 a.m.

Harrison Ford is a funny DOOD.

Leona Lewis has an awesome voice.

I need a manicure with a quickness.

They always come back. Honestly, they do. You can only hope that by the time they come to their senses you've moved on.

I'm pumped for "Idol" to end and "So You Think You Can Dance To Start." Seriously.

Cover letters kill my soul.

"The Motown Song" by Rod Stewart and The Temptations is the J-A-M, jayum. Listen to it.

And that's the best I can do right now. I have a career day tomorrow at a middle school (isn't that a bit early?) so I need to get my beauty rest for the kiddies.

*** Beckstasy ***

Act II: Layla gets her groove back

What does a gay horse eat?

Heeeeeeeeeyyyyy!

So yeah, I know it's been a really long time since I've updated anything, and for that I truly suck. It's funny though, because Beckstasy was telling me about going back and reading old posts and realizing our brilliance and humor. When I go back and read mine I just sort of cringe! HA! Needless to say a lot has changed or gone on or whatevs since I last posted. I was just too busy or depressed to keep a running commentary going.

So yeah, I've since taken on, and then quit a second waitressing job. I just wasn't into it, and I was working constantly. It totally blew. I was very blue and cranky and meepy. Still not homesick, but intensely people sick. I couldn't make any plans or see any of the new people I'm trying to develop relationships with. So I says to myself, I says:

"This is not why you moved to Portland."

I re-crunched the numbers, and after remembering that I actually get paychecks from my wages, I could make it work. So I effin quit that other waitress job at the fish restaurant, and felt tons better. Then a really amazing opportunity dropped into my lap to fill in for a gal at a PR firm while she's on maternity leave. Now, THAT'S why I moved to Portland, to expose myself to new opportunities. I'm so thrilled that my buddy T'Beatcha had the good faith in me to suggest me for an interview. One turned to three, one of which last three hours alone. I'd never felt so confident about an interview though, and they responded in kind...so that's a huge boost for me and I couldn't be more excited to get it under way.

That means this week is my last week on the schedule at Touche. We came up with the joke that Touche years are like dog years. I can't believe I've only been there a month. It's not necessarily a complaint, because I'm not excited to be done there, I'm excited to just be done with waitressing. I'm really over it. The people have been really good to me, and I am flattered to have been welcomed into the cliquish little family they have. It'll be fun when I randomly pick up shifts.

So yeah, that's the past month or so for you. It feels like a lot longer. The weather has been unfuckingbelievable for the past few days, not a cloud in the sky. I already have a tan. For serious. I really am so affected by the weather, and I'm starting to worry about what winter is like here, but eff it. I'll burn that bridge when I come to it.

Annnnd, you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout I'm telling you why, Maura Mone is coming to town. I'm super excited about that shit meng! It's gonna be a funny bitch party when we go camping with her girls from Leeds.

I'm starting to really have a lot if fun. I've been skating more than ever, doing the 12 mile outdoor loop a few times. I feel great afterwards. Derbs is great of course, though we lost to GnR last night. I'm not to bent out about it, despite the flaws, I think it was a great game, and I really like all the broads I skated against. They're funtime peeps. We had a derby BBQ yesterday and it was a real blast also. Lots of food and chillaxing.

So I start my new job on Wednesday. Wish me e-luck. I don't really feel like proof reading this. I just can't be bothered. I hope it isn't boring. It might be, I don't want to disappoint the readership (all 7 of you good folks). Hope your taking your passion and making it happen too.

PS, I fucking miss me some Beckstasy. Now the pressure is on her to post something. Oh, and if you people are reading this, feel free to comment for us.